ROLLER COASTER

I have so tried to avoid the use of this classic metaphor, but the profession of teaching has just been begging for it.  Here we are, getting ready to start another week and all I can think of is reaching my hands into the air, holding my breath, and getting tiny little butterflies in the middle of my stomach as I wait to climb another great height.  Last week was definitely one of those level weeks, the kind that make you feel like maybe you can do this after all.  It was a time of deep breaths, constructive advice, open ears, and excitement to keep going when, just the weekend before, I had been alone in my kitchen, tears streaming down my face, frantically calling my mother for some gentle reassurances.  I was convinced a week ago that May would never come, that I wasn't doing what I needed to be doing, and feeling like I couldn't ever possibly catch up with all that I had to do.  Low and behold, I did.  I made it through.  The more I think about it, the more I am trying to resign myself to the fact that this semester is not going to be as easy as I expected.

Coming out of last semester, I remember being nervous but completely reassured of my capabilities in the classroom.  I had just done well in all of my classes, I wrote a unit plan I ended up being very proud of, and I feel like I made a great impression not only with my students but with the school community as well.  I was so ready to face student teaching--how much harder could it be?

........A lot.  Jumping in during the middle of the day and taking over where my mentor had left off is totally and completely different from being responsible for the learning of every single student in each of my five classes.  It was a rough wake up call to realize that some of the material I was covering wasn't being taken in.  Especially when I had executed quite a few full day lessons/mini-lessons last semester with great success.   I just can't believe how high the learning curve still is after 3 days a week in the classroom every week before going full time.  

Now, I think I am slowly beginning to catch up.  I still think it will be awhile before I feel I can take consecutive deep breaths and NOT come home and work on school stuff at least two hours every night, but I'm learning to adapt.  My lessons have started to become more insightful, and I find myself eager to try out new things whenever possible.  For the time being, I feel as though I can do my best to enjoy the ride.  (Though I won't totally rule out another drop from the peak.)

Hope you all are doing so well!