Is this what it always feels like?

That's the question I keep asking myself during these initial weeks of student teaching: Is this what it always feels like? I'm sure the answer to that question is yes and no. This profession is a marathon, but perhaps more so than I had ever realized. At the same time, I know that this awkward and disjointed phase in my teacher development will not last forever.

I never knew it would be so hard to implement the theory and good practices I learned throughout my teaching training. I have a goal for what I want my students to come away with, but I constantly ask myself whether or not they're actually grasping those concepts and if that worksheet I labored over for an hour even provided them with information or meaningful discussions that burrowed a way into their brains.

My head is always spinning with deadlines and materials to prepare and readings to do alongside my students, yet I feel that I am beginning to ask myself the questions that experienced educators do with second nature. Questions such as: What is it I want my students to take away from this? What should I trim away? Did they really understand that lesson? How can I hold them accountable for reading?

I know many of these questions are topics we discussed in our education courses, but my brain seems to be so preoccupied with preparing lessons that I need to remind myself to reflect upon where we're at as a class right now and not where my long-term sketch of a plan tells me we are supposed to be by next Thursday.

Planning. Flexibility. Adaptation. Those seem to be my key words from last week.